Finding Contentment

In the past few years of my life, God has really impressed on me the area of contentment.  When I was first married, I wondered why we didn't have all of the things other people had.  Nice houses, nice cars, etc, etc.  Over time, I have come to really appreciate everything I have.  It was not instant.  No, it was a process.

What I have learned in the past few years is that contentment stretches far beyond belongings.  Sometimes we can long for dreams or aspirations.  It happened to me.  I want to tell you my story.

My husband and I married almost 15 years ago.  I was an LPN at the time with hopes to become an RN. I spent the first 3 years of my marriage working and going to school.  I graduated in 1999 with my RN and began working my "dream job" in the ICU.  Just before I finished school, we began wanting children.  We tried for a total of 6 years with no success.  In those 6 years, we had a 2 person income, took a lot of trips, and bought our first house.  Admittedly, I knew very little about saving and finances.  We had not saved much when I found out that we were pregnant with my first daughter.  I managed to work part time and still nurse her exclusively.  I worked when my husband was home, or my mom stayed with my daughter until my husband got home from work.  It was a pretty sweet deal, but it was tiring.  Two years later, my second daughter came along. 

Shortly after Hannah was born, my husband experienced the first "dry spell" in his job.  I had been working one to two days a week, but now I needed to find an actual part time position to make ends meet.  It was much harder now with 2 kids.  I really wanted to be home.  I hated that I had to work.  The fact that I really wanted to home school also loomed in to near future.  How was I going to work and do it all?  I really began to experience discontentment at this time.  I talked to my husband about staying home, but he really didn't agree. He couldn't see the point in throwing away a college degree and a good paying job.  NOW, he would never had forbidden me to do it- he's not like that, it was just his opinion.

When I became pregnant with my son, an  opportunity presented to us.  My mother-in-law wanted us to buy her other property located right next door to her.  The house was no bigger than the one we lived in, had rotten-egg sulfer water, and had a kitchen that was far inferior to where we lived.  BUT, in my thoughts, maybe we could sell our house, and put a large down-payment on this house, pay off our vehicles, and decrease our debt!  Maybe I could finally be home where I wanted to be!  so, on the advice of a family member, we moved out of our house, into my mother in law's home, and we placed our house on the market.  Weeks passed, then months--no takers.  We had only one offer that was very seriously below what we wanted for it. It would have done us no good.  We wouldn't have made any money on it--therefore, we would be in more debt than we started in. 

Then, another opportunity came knocking--someone called us out of the blue and wanted to rent our home.  So, we began the journey that didn't go so well.  We suffered through very hard times with bad renters, and lost tons of money on the house.  Remember, at this time we were paying 2 mortgages!  I was a bit upset that my plans to get home had blown up in my face!  And to top it off, my husband's work this past winter almost came to a complete stop.  I was working more than I had in years. 

Through all of this, I can still look back and see God's hand in all of it.  I was always able to work one day a week in times of plenty--and sometimes the census  at the hospital would be so low that they would call me off and I wouldn't work at all.  But in the dry spells--things always seemed to pick up.  I was able to work almost as many hours as I wanted while Will stayed home with the kids.  It was always temporary.  I am thankful for that.  We are currently in the middle of the worst dry spell Will's work has ever experienced.  But, in the midst of this, we have had enough, and God even provided us with Christian renters who are responsible and pay in advance.  If you read back over this post, you will see some of the other amazing things God has done for us.  I give Him all of the glory.  No, he didn't miraculously give us a way for me to quit work.  My hopes have not changed in this area either.  My ideal would be to work 2 days per month! BUT, I have gained much contentment in what He has given me.  We don't have a fancy house, a fancy car, or expensive....anything!  But we don't need it.  All of our needs are provided for.  We have food, clothing, and a roof over our heads. 

I have still managed to home school throughout all of this too.  It really helps to have an amazing man that is willing to do what ever needs to be done when I am gone.  I love my husband and appreciate him so much.  Again, my goal is still to get out of as much debt as I can and eventually stay home.  I have learned much more about finances, and I know with hard work--we can get there.  But while we are on that journey, I can still enjoy contentment and peace.  Thankfulness for the ways God provides.  Thankful that my worth as a woman and a mother only lies in HIM--not my circumstances.  For I am a child of God.  Forever grateful.  Forever His.  My treasure is in Him.

What Will You put Your Faith In?

Lately I have been thinking about truth.  Mostly because I am finding that in this world I am surrounded by partial truths, and flat out lies.  The problem is that we are taught to buy into these partial truths and lies or else be labeled ignorant.  If you doubt me, then go to any major university and tell the science professor that you do not believe that the earth and all that is in it evolved, but was rather created.  I can almost guarantee you that you will not leave feeling smart.

Yet evolution is a theory.  It has never been proved.  Some might argue with that, but it is true.  It is simply a theory.  Science is full of theories that are accepted as truth.  Since my background is in medicine, I can give you two examples right off the top of my head.

1.  High cholesterol causes heart disease.
2.  Vaccines are safe and effective. 

Point #1 is a theory.  It has never been proven.  This past weekend, I had a long and very interesting discussion with one of my favorite doctors.  I asked him many questions including whether or not he believes in the statin drugs, and what he thinks is the cause of heart disease.  He admitted that there is no proven connection between cholesterol and heart disease, but rather it is based on an assumption due to the results of a study done by drug companies on the outcomes and recurrence rate of heart attacks in patients.  He admitted that you cannot prove that the body magically takes cholesterol and turns it into fat plaques in the arteries.   Yet, if your doctor puts you an a low cholesterol diet and you question the wisdom in that, you are labeled as non-complaint at best, and idiot at the worst.

Point #2 is a theory.  There has never been a double blind placebo-controlled study of vaccines.  Therefore, the safety and effectiveness cannot be stated as fact.  I challenge anyone to provide solid scientific evidence that proves the reduction of disease in any part of the world that was contributed to inoculations.  There simply is no proof.  ( I am talking about documented scientific proof, not speculation)  Yet if you refuse to have your child vaccinated chances are your pediatrician will spend a considerable amount of time trying to convince you otherwise.  Depending on the type of person they are, they might try to scare you, bully you, or ridicule you into doing what they want you to do.  If, by chance, your child gets whooping cough, they might try to go after you for negligence.  Who knows?  What they won't tell you is that 85% of the other kids that suffered the same outbreak were fully vaccinated.

So science becomes a religion of sorts.

I agree with Paul Feyerabend when he called all science theoretical and stated that scientists defend their beliefs just like an ancient tribe defending their gods.  

Then there is politics.   If you are a Democrat, you are labeled as a tree-hugging ATM machine for the chronically unmotivated.  If you are a Republican you are labeled as wealthy, uncaring, corrupt person.  If you are a Tea Party member, you are full of hate and are somehow responsible for the Arizona shootings.  At that point, someone much wiser and more caring than you must step in and censor what you say.  Someone might take it the wrong way and use it for more evil.  Right?  Isn't that what we have big brother for?

I have a theory.  My theory is that there is very little truth in any of these things. My theory is that is is dangerous to let any one mindset rule.  My theory is that it is dangerous to restrict speech.....even speech that we do not agree with.  Why?  Because no side of the political fence corners the market on truth.  Just because people take unfortunate incidents and blame them on their opposition (as is happening in the news media with the Arizona shootings and Sarah Palin) doesn't make the allegations true.

I know what I believe to be truth.  I believe it because it changed my life.  I believe it because it has never been wrong.  I believe it because, unlike Nostradamas and this preacher that says the world will end in May......It has never been wrong.  I believe in God's Word.  I can't prove God to you in a laboratory much like you cannot disprove Him to me.  But my belief in a creator says nothing derogatory about my intelligence.

God's Word says that we are fallen.  The Bible was wise to say:  "And my speech and my preaching were not with persuasive words of human wisdom, but in demonstration in the Spirit and of power, that your faith should not be in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God."  2 Corinthians 2:4-5

Therefore, I will not put my faith in man's ideologies.  I put my faith in God.  After all, whether we believe it or not, we all put our faith in something.  After looking around for perfection down here......I know we fall short.

Your House is not Clean.......

I spent several hours yesterday taking down Christmas decorations and cleaning my living room.  I moved couches and vacuumed underneath, I vacuumed curtains, I vacuumed cobwebs off of my beautifully textured plaster ceiling.  When I was done, I had quite a sense of pride in my living room.  I was tempted to tell the kids that they couldn't come in it!  Satisfied, I sat down with my man on the couch to watch a little TV, when lo and behold, I look up and what do I spy?  More cobwebs.  Hrumph.  I missed a spot.  I was too tired to worry about it, so I went to bed and left it there.

As I was cleaning this morning, I was thinking about that cobweb.  My mind works in weird ways, so I began thinking of analogies.  We can spend so much time "cleaning up" our lives and trying to better ourselves, but no matter what we do, there will always be a little (or sometimes a lot) of sin left over.  Enter: grace.  Oh how I love grace.  Grace changes lives.  Grace says: you can't be perfect.........but you don't have to be.  Why?  Because Jesus is.  Perfect.  Wonderful. Grace says: "hide yourself in Me, for I am righteousness and I will make you righteous too."   There are so many good morals that can be found in every world religion, but all but one is missing grace.  Missing Jesus.

I am so thankful for grace.  I realize now that when I draw close to God, He shows me things that I never knew were faults in me.   He breaks me, and it is painful.  But He also molds me into something new and different and in the process refreshes me and brings sweet joy.    I am constantly reminded that no matter how much time I spend "cleaning" my heart, there still will be a few cobwebs left.  I am a work in progress.  But as long as I allow Him to keep working in me, He will keep breaking, remolding, breaking, and remolding until I am closer to His image.  Oh, how I am thankful.  I am His. He won't give up on me. 

Grace.  My favorite word!

For All Mothers of Small Children!

This is not one of those blogs that show you how to disciple or get organized.  Don't get me wrong.....we all need that.  BUT, remember not to sweat the small stuff....

Remember...cleaner days are coming.  I know they are .  I know they are.  But for now....

Laugh, hug, and play almost as often as you work.  It is what your kids will remember when they are older. 
Cheers!~

When Good Stormtroopers go Bad

I really don't think he knows who he is messing with?   A nice follow up to the verse about the arrogance of man.

Get Knowledge & Get Humble

Knowledge humbles the great man, astonishes the common man, and puffs up the little man.

 Isaiah 14:11~
"I will punish the world for it's evil,
And the wicked for their iniquity;
I will halt the arrogance of the proud,
And will lay low the haughtiness of the terrible."

Isaiah 55:8`
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways, "  says the Lord.

Thoughts for a Sunday!