Embracing Brokenness

Take a moment, please, and picture this scenario with me if you will: There once was a young girl who grew up in a Christian church. She was always perfectly groomed, and looked beautiful in her flowing white linen dresses. She spent her days thinking about how much God loved her, and how she wanted to live her life to please Him. She kept herself "pure" in the sight of God, and never let a man touch her until her wedding day. She raised 3 perfect children who were always perfectly groomed and behaved. In fact, her family looked just like they had walked off the pages of a Dickens novel. Everyone loved and adored her, and sought out her advice on every aspect of life. She was a shining picture of God's glory!

Now take a moment please, and consider reality! How I would LOVE to say that this is my story. The truth is, though, my story is so far from this fairy tale, that when I read it I laugh out loud! I want you to understand, that in the following paragraphs, I am going to be brutally honest with you. I am going to tell you things about myself that I really don't want you to know. Then, when I am finished, I will tell you why I choose to share such painful memories with you.

Here is the truth: Once upon a time, there was a young girl who grew up in a Christian church. She struggled with other kids. She fought with her best friends. She copped an attitude when she felt shamed or rejected. When she was 10 years old, she made what she thought was a commitment to God, but sadly, she struggled her whole teenage existence with feelings of inadequacy. There was something missing in her life....and she knew it. Not knowing how to fill the void, she tried many things that the world had to offer. She tried to find intimacy in sinful sexual relationships that brought her temporary comfort. She found a refuge in the music that consumed her thoughts and molded much of her view of the world. And, while she never gave in to the temptation of drugs, she tried drinking and found that being drunk was more uncomfortable than it was fun. She spent many nights laying in bed crying because she knew there was a God, and she KNEW that she wasn't good enough for Him!

When she was a young adult, someone gently challenged her thoughts on who God is. You see, I had spent my entire life thinking of God as a big authoritarian in the sky. There was a list of do's and don'ts. Most of my activities were on the don't list! The bigger problem I had was that I loved my lifestyle even thought I knew in my heart that it was wrong! Why would I want to change something that I loved so dearly? It was the only comfort I knew.

Let me just clarify something here. This is not an indictment of my family. I am so thankful for the family that God blessed me with! My parents loved me. They taught me right from wrong. They were strict, and that kept me out of some trouble anyway. We went to church every Sunday. I never felt unloved by my parents! I want to mention this because it doesn't matter what kind of family you came from. You can receive all of the love in the world, and still feel empty.

So, back to my point. Someone came along in my life who loved me enough to ask me questions about my faith. She never (that I can remember) challenged the notion that I was the Christian that I said I was. It was a simple seed that was planted. It was a simple as her asking what church I attended and then asking if I believed that I could lose my salvation. To be totally honest, I had no idea what she was talking about, but it was the turning point that made me want to ask questions, dig in scripture, and really understand her way of thinking. She didn't spend hours following up, and making sure I understood. Fortunately, the Holy Spirit did that for her.

Honestly, I do not know how long it took me to understand. I can't give you a date when I "prayed a prayer" and was saved. It was more of a process. What I began to realize, though, was that as hard as I tried, I could not change myself. I could not make myself into what God wanted me to be. Oh believe me...I spent years trying! What a miserable existence! I do remember laying in bed one night and crying. Then crying out to God. I told Him how unworthy I was of Him. I told Him that I wanted to know how to love Him. I told Him that I needed Him. What was the difference between now and when I was 10? It was HUGE!

My favorite Bible verse to this day was what made the difference. Ephesians 2:8-9 "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast." This beautiful verse explains that we are not saved by what we do. We are not saved by our actions, the way we dress, or by looking like the "perfect Dickins family." We are saved by the grace of God alone. Through faith in God alone. We cannot boast in our goodness, because we are not good!! Romans 3:23 say "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." I am a sinner. Well, I knew that! :) What I didn't know was that working to make myself a better person in the eyes of God was impossible. Unfruitful. Painful.

So here it is in a nutshell. God loves you. Whether you believe that you are lovable or not. God doesn't want you to strive to emulate other people, or to spend your life listening to self-improvement gurus. What He wants is for you to trust Him. Trust that you are unclean, but through Jesus death on the cross that HE can make you clean. Listen, only HE can make you clean! YOU CANNOT DO IT YOURSELF! Whew...what a relief. When we put our faith in Jesus Christ, God reconciles us to Him. That means that at one point, we were not a friend of God. To be reconciled means there was an enemy relationship at one point. Romans 5:10-11 "For if when we were enemies of God through the death of His Son, much more having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life. And not only that, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received the reconciliation." I know for a fact that I was not a friend of God. Since then, I have come into a relationship with the creator of the universe. Wow, I get goosebumps when I say that!

So why would I share all of the skeletons in my closet with you? I have come to realize that my past has a great impact on who I have become today. I cannot change my past. I have a lot of regrets that I would love to wipe out. I have learned that I cannot clean up my past. I can't "clean up" anything. Neither can you. I was broken, but I was unable to embrace my brokenness and place it in the hands of God. Truly that is what we need to do. Admit we are broken, and admit that we are unable to fix it. Then let God do the rest. If my story can help just one person see who God is and help them "embrace their brokenness" then it is worth the pain of admitting my past mistakes.

My story is not of the pure girl in paragraph one. My white dress was so stained with sin, that I never could have cleaned it. However, when we trust Jesus and come into a personal friendship with Him, He gives us clean robes. A robe that can never stain. A pure white robe of righteousness. I can't be stained, because it doesn't matter what we do. What matters is what He did for us. We cannot tarnish His love for us. I can't explain to you the joy that results from the knowledge that God has sealed you as His forever. Joy that replaces pain and brokenness.

Fear

Wow, So often I just marvel at how great God is! Even more amazing is looking back at life experiences and seeing the path that He has brought us down, and the resources He brings into our lives at specific times to grow us spiritually. His timing is always perfect!

When I was in 5th grade I attended a slumber party at a friend's house. They were watching a horror movie--which placed my in the next room with my fingers over my eyes catching bits and pieces of the horrific scenes. I was already a scardey cat. The last thing I needed was fuel for my fear. What followed was years of nightmares, intense fear of irrational things, and many tears and pleas to my parents at bedtime to not make me go it alone. I am sure it was frustrating for my parents as they did not know how to allay my fears. It took me into adulthood to get rid of some of those fears...like the fear of death, bodily harm, etc.

When my first daughter was born I struggled with the intense fear that God would take her from me. It took us six years of marriage to even conceive her, I couldn't imagine God taking her away after all that we went through! It took months of prayer to shake the fear, and the results were less than immediate. I knew that she did not belong to me, but rather to God. I knew that He had a plan for her life regardless of my plans. I just couldn't shake the fear. My prayers sounded like this: "God, I know she is yours, I know you have only entrusted her to me for a time, but I would not want to live without her, so PLEASE watch over her and don't let anything bad happen to her!!" I would love to say that I prayed and "poof" the fear was gone, but it sure didn't happen that way. It was a process. I thought that I had overcome fear, but as it turns out, it only manifested itself in a different form. The enemy is tricky. We need to stay in the Word if we are to outsmart him!

Right now, I am involved in a Beth Moore Bible study that is probing my heart on so many different levels that it is painful, joyful, and refreshing at the same time. I am amazed at what God is showing me through His Word! Our study last night had me broken before God, in tears, and once again, thankful at the same time. Esther is a book of the Bible that I have read before, I know the story, but I had never studied it like this. We are at the pivotal point in the story right now where she has to face her fears and choose between life and death. Right and wrong. Do I trust God? Even if it means horrible consequences? Even if it means death? We would all hope to make the right decisions in such a situation.

One of the things that has been plaguing me recently came to light last night. One of my daughters has "inherited" the fear that I have always struggled under. I couldn't understand her fears. They are not exactly the same type as mine. I am one of those parents that takes every weakness and fault of my children to heart. I often ask myself what I did wrong to cause these bad traits in them. The truth is, I do not cause them, we are all fallen creatures, but it is partly my job to help them overcome them. And if I cannot overcome my own fears, how can I expect my daughter to overcome hers? What a blessed opportunity I had to talk with her on the way home from Bible study last night about the sovereignty of God and human fear! I want to share with you my future strategy for tackling every fear (thanks to Beth Moore)

It is as simple as this:

If____________________then_________________________

The study writer urged us not to fill in the blanks right away. Take any situation in your life that you can imagine and place it in the if blank. If we place God in the then blank, we know that everything will be fine in the end. Even if it means losing someone you love. EVEN if it means someone you love not choosing to follow Christ, the greatest heartbreak I can imagine.

If_____________________then_____GOD__________.

It is so easy to say the words "God is in control." It isn't as easy to reconcile a painful loss in our minds when it happens. Do we trust? We know that God wants us to trust Him explicitly. Esther had to make a choice between right and wrong that could have ultimately cost her life. If the king had not accepted her plea and she had died then it would all be part of her story in history. There would have been a purpose for it. God had something different in mind for her, and her life was spared. BUT the story does not always end that way. Sometimes pain, death, or any other horrible thing you might fear is what God has for us. Did you ever think about that? Sometimes that is what it takes for God to fulfill the plan He has for us and others. Are we willing to accept that? I am asking myself: am I willing to suffer for the cause of Christ? Am I willing to trust that God is truly in control NO MATTER HOW PAINFUL THE CIRCUMSTANCES?

"Lord, give me the strength and courage to always stand in the face of fear trusting you fully and completely. Give me the wisdom to help others, through your Word, to trust you. Thank you for your Word. Thank you that the most repeated command from your heavenly armies is FEAR NOT. You know my heart. You know my needs. You always fulfill." AMEN

Book Review: Kiss Your Dentist Goodbye by Ellie Phillips, DDS

Those of you who know me know that I hate the dentist. I have had bad experiences since I was a child. Over the past year and a half, I have shelled out over $3000 in dental treatments for Emma and I alone! One thing that struck me as funny was that my dentist never tried to teach my daughter anything about caring for her teeth. He has never discussed prevention with us. I think that the prevailing attitude among dentists is that if you are born with the "bad genes" like Emma and I, there is nothing you can do to prevent problems.

Again, those of you who know me know that I am all about prevention. I read everything I can get my hands on when it comes to the health of my family! I want to thank my friend Suzanna for loaning me this book!

Ellie Phillips is an English-born dentist with over 30 years of experience. She has a passion for preventative dentistry. She says that early on in her career she continually questioned those in her field about how we can prevent dental problems. She usually met with silence, or just the response that "you can't prevent it." I am thankful that she decided not to accept this for an answer. Over her many years of experience she has developed a system of oral care that she recommends to all of her patients. For the most part, those who follow her program never need much more than a "coach." This is because they do not seem to suffer from the same amount of issues that the rest of us do. The answer seems to lie in the pH of our mouths. If your mouth is acidic your enamel erodes faster and leaves you prone to caries then cavities. With a combine program of specific rinses and toothpastes combined with regular consumption of xylitol, Dr. Phillips claims that you can reverse caries and enjoy good dental health forever.

Emma and I have been following her program for approximately 3 weeks now. While much damage has already been done in my daughter's mouth, I have to say that for the first time I actually have hope that we can prevent further problems! Emma loves the mouth rinse and the xylitol mints! She also loves the granular xylitol mom bought at the healthfood store. I am so amazed that something so simple and enjoyable can be such a great help. Stay tuned. The results remain to be seen. BUT I HIGHLY recommend this book for anyone who has problems with cavities. below is a link to Dr. Ellie's blog page for more information:

www.askdrellie.com

Book Review: Already Gone: Why Your Kids Will Quit Church and What You Can do to Stop it.

Okay, first I have to admit that I started reading this book thinking I would not like it. I cannot say that I agreed with every conclusion that the authors reached, but I do have to say that it was well researched and made a little bit of sense.

The authors surveyed 22,000 people from "evangelical" families who, in their 20's, have abandoned church for one reason or another. It then breaks the groups down into the ones who have said that one day they will return (probably when they have kids) and those that never plan to return. They asked a series of questions to determine why. Overwhelmingly, the answers leaned toward the lack of Biblical authority being taught in churches today. Children go to school and learn what science calls "fact" and then they go to church and learn "stories" of creation, floods, etc. It isn't hard to see why children cannot connect the two worlds. The authors contend that when you take the very first pages of scripture and say "This doesn't necessarily have to be taken literally", then you set children up to take what they want from scripture and leave the rest behind for the "fundamentalists." Why are we losing this battle? Well, I don't come to the EXACT same conclusions as the authors, but I personally think they are on the right track. Or maybe just the right part of the track. Or maybe just somewhere on the track.

I have to begin by saying where I depart from the author's point of view. The statement is made that there are "strong" Christian people who are leaving the fellowship for one reason or another. I have to say that I do not agree with this. Of the top 10 reasons the author lists for Christians leaving church, half of the reasons showed that the people were more concerned about relationships with people rather than coming to church to worship God. Reasons like: boring services, hypocritical people, legalism, too political, etc. A couple of the reasons had to do with distance from home. One of the reasons that floored me was "the Bible isn't relevant/practical" and "not relevant to personal growth." Really? And they are calling these people strong Christians? I am going to stick my neck out here and say this: if you find the Bible irrelevant or do not find fellowship with God's people important, then maybe you should ask yourself what salvation really means. Or better yet, have I truly made Jesus Christ LORD of my life? I would venture to say that the root problem is bad doctrine. If you attend a church where teens are leaving by the dozens and living worldly lifestyles, then maybe it is time to look at all-around doctrine....not just Genesis. Consider Romans 6:20 "In those days, you were slaves of sin, you weren't concerned with doing what was right." The days that Paul refers to are the days before our eyes were opened by the Spirit of God and we were freed from the bondage of sin. Paul calls believers "slaves to righteousness." How can we be followers of our Lord when we don't even find his teaching relevant? Scriptural authority should be a given to those of us who are justified by faith. God's Word should hold authority over our lives!

That being said, I do think that teaching the science behind creation is important to know. Not to "prove" to ourselves that God and science can co-exist. If we have faith in God we already know this to be true. The reason I believe that kids should have this knowledge has to do with the age we are living in. The author does make the point that we are no longer living in a society that values faith, but rather knowledge. I have seen over and over again in conversations with people, that society no longer believes that a person who holds a creation viewpoint can be knowledgeable about science. If our children are to go into the world and preach the gospel in this day and age, they are going to meet with some tough questions. Would it not be better for them to know how to answer them? I have often said that there is so much evidence out there for intelligent design that is consistently overlooked, and deliberately ignored. I have noticed that when I talk with unbelievers (especially those who are college educated) that the very first thing they attack these days is the Scriptural account of creation. These arguments are followed by "the Bible isn't meant to be taken literally..." The truth is, there is just as much (if not more) evidence out there that we were designed than evidence that we evolved.

One difference that the authors and I hold are WHO should be teaching this. They believe that our Sunday Schools have desperately failed, yet they believe that we should simply re-vamp the materials that we are using to teach. I tend to scratch my head at this, because I do not believe that it is the church's responsibility to give our children a "Christian education." I firmly believe that this is the parent's job! They do touch on this fact in the book, but in keeping with modern times, they do not hammer it home. They simply believe that fathers might shirk this responsibility (and most often they do) so we should leave it up to the Sunday school teachers. I am here to say this: churches NEED to encourage and equip parents to teach their children Scripture! Too often, we just say: well, some of these kids don't get this at home so we need to provide it here. They need to encourage, encourage, and keep encouraging until we wake up. We have so many great programs in our churches these days that we tend to think we can just drop our kids off at Sunday School and that is all the Christian education they need. That, my friends, is where we are losing them! Children not seeing authentic faith in their parents. Parents who do not find reading the Bible together with their families important. It is so easy to "disconnect" Scripture from daily life when our parents have done the same. It becomes abnormal to us to see a family sitting and reading the Bible together, and normal to see them sitting in front of a TV! We need to attack the notion of church being just a building where we come to worship! Families who worship together at home are families that model Biblical Christianity to their kids. We, the Body of Christ, are the church.


The book states that statistically Sunday School programs have been a big failure. Again, I agree. But I have to say the the BIGGEST problem that I see in churches today is a focus on programs to teach the flock rather than simply encouraging true Godly living within families. UGH. Okay, let me explain. I will begin with a quote from the book:

"In other words, an increasing level of activities did NOT predict an increase love for God. Church activity alone made NO direct impact on a growing heart....it was a flat line--and a stunning discovery for us."

That doesn't stun me. Seriously. Does it surprise you? We can be signed up for every program, attend Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday evening and still not be living it out in our homes. In a nutshell: we need to search our own hearts before we endeavor to make a difference in the hearts of our kids. I know that I fall short in worship in the home. I see that and want desperately to change it. My hearts desire is for my kids to walk in truth. I will repent of this and allow the Lord to change my heart. I cannot expect them to be what I am not.

Hitler's Cross

Over the past couple of weeks, I have had the opportunity to share the Gospel with a man who is a professing atheist and a Marxist. This was a man who was not foreign to the Good News of Jesus. He had grown up in church and had a general idea of selected scripture. It was quite a learning opportunity for me. We arrived at an impasse , but we both walked away understanding each other's perspective. In the end, I found the source of his worldview very disturbing, yet all too common these days.

It seems that Carl Marx has become quite the hero in liberal education. There are many out there who knowingly, or unknowingly embrace his teachings. Socialism has become the "buzz word" since the election of President Obama. I have talked with people who partially (and sometimes unknowingly) embrace socialism. I have talked to those who laugh off the idea that we are headed for socialism as "Republican hysterics." Now, I can say that I have spoken with someone who truly embraces socialism for what it is and is not ashamed to admit it.

A few days ago, I began reading Hitler's Cross by Erwin Lutzer. I had always wondered what it took to convince a whole nation to follow after such a demonic leader. Lutzer does a good job of putting the process of acceptance into perspective. Hitler knew that his best chance to win the hearts of his people would come in a time of economic devastation. At the time, German economy was at it's worst and the people were starving. It seemed a ripe time for someone who desired to be "savior" to rescue his people. To quote Lutzer: "The people yearned for a leader who would do for them what democracy could not." Hitler was a good political leader. he revived the failing German economy in a span of 5 years. He brought crime under control. He created great social programs like his "Strength through joy" program, which gave millions of Germans vacations that they could not otherwise afford. Hitler did so much to appeal to the outward wants and needs of a nation. However, Hitler was obviously very devious and his motives impure.

To quote Lutzer again: "If he had died before World War ll, one historian mused, he would have gone down in history as "Adolph the Great, one of the outstanding figures in German history."

We all know the end of the story. Hitler purges Germany of the "impure" Jews while focusing his rage on anyone who would dare oppose him. His intention was to disassemble the church and place himself in supreme authority over everything. He banned crucifixes and Bibles from churches and ordered them replaced with swastikas and copies of Mein Kampf. Any preacher who dare preach the Cross of Christ would share the fate of the Jews in the concentration camps. Hitler was a man deeply entrenched in demonic activity.

We think to ourselves "that could never happen in the United States." Yet we have the ACLU who's determination is to stamp every symbol of Christianity from our society. No nativity scenes, no Christmas carols, no mention of Jesus Christ in schools, under the penalty of legal action. One of the things that my socialist friend shared with me is his belief that religion is the cause of all of the world's problems. (not too far from the truth) But more disturbing than that, he believed that if we allowed religion to continue that we would never have peace. In his mind, the only way for people to achieve true peace, we must be a socialistic society void of all faith in God. He was not shy about his opinion. He did not try to hide it or candy coat it. Fortunately, I do believe that his opinion is still in the minority, but I wonder---for how long? When the "Hate Crimes" bill passed, it (in effect) made it possible to criminally charge someone for preaching the Gospel. You might think this is far-fetched, but consider this scenario: a mentally unbalanced man attends a church service where a pastor teaches on the sin of homosexuality. He twists it in his head to believe that he needs to take action against homosexuals and commits a violent crime. This would set the pastor up for fines or imprisonment because his teachings "inspired" the act.

Approximately half of our society believe that pre-born children are not, in fact, children. Obviously a majority of the people believe that the government can better care for them financially than they can for themselves. ( I say obviously because of who we elected as our leader) We live in an era of irresponsibility. We think it would just be much easier if the government would provide for us what is too hard or expensive to provide for ourselves. We are setting ourselves up for destruction. I recommend Hitler's Cross to EVERYONE! It should be required reading at college and high school levels. We need to learn the mistakes of history...because right now it looks like we may be destined to repeat them.

The Suffering Church

http://www.davidjeremiah.org/site/revelationmap/map.aspx

Here is what I have been listening to as I was cleaning my house today. What a great conviction and encouragement it has been to me. As Christians, we need to encourage one another. We need to do it more and more considering the times we are living in. There is a great bit of church history here, including the origins of the Roman Catholic Church. I hope you will take the time to listen today. God Bless~

If you click on this link and it does not pull the sermon up, go to the map, click on Chapter 4, and listen to the sermon titled: The Suffering Church: Smyrna.